Go where you breathe free

Home, people, thing, clothes, food, God.

Pc: Pinterest.

Home:

As much as I worked my ass off to leave home, I want to end up there at every given opportunity now. The last time I stayed here for too long, I was so sad if not depressed. I didn't long for home, I just wanted to go where the air was bearable. Later on, I went to my house and truthfully there is no better place like home.

I lived large. I was being cared for. Everyone was worried about my weight. I had reasons to just be. I was being a pain in the ass and everyone had excuses for my behaviour. There was no need for composure. I was not allowed to work because I had menstrual cramps. I lived, that's basically what I did. My mind was in a good state, I could finish so many abandoned thoughts and get on with a lot of projects. I had my life in my hands, I wasn't consumed by the need to continuously work so I don't get sick.

I lamented about Nutri C doing nonsense these days and got sachets of Nutri C. I lamented about not having new clothes and got new clothes from Wura— I cannot wear this crop top, you should have it. I love it when she gifts me. She is a better younger sister than I am and I prayed for days like that.

I talked about having classes and I was left alone. The you are not studying journalism, bah? Makes me understand that they don't want to make mistakes by calling me a journalist and It is not like I hate it, I just want them to be aware that's not what I signed up for. Ah, and the day I refused to wear a dress made for me because everyone thought it was unfair I didn't get new clothes? They called me ungrateful and rude. I still didn't wear it and everyone left the matter.

Leaving was hard and I made it harder for them. I still got a call from them every hour asking if I had gotten to my destination and cried about what I went through travelling because how else was I supposed to run away from hearing about my misbehaviours? Ohh, I got three packs of our precious Kulikuli that's hard to find.

People:

My parents. My siblings. Steph baby. My pookies.

If times/phases haven't passed, I would have written just myself here but I am grateful for the gift of people. The next step is to specifically mention how these people are to me.

It was hard when I used to listen to my mother having to do all the talking and all I could do was listen attentively. Now, it is different, how she makes me feel is inexplicable. I used to cry so much when my mom would return home late, I used to be scared that she had died, my sister used to be angry about it. It was as if it wasn't worth it so I did most of it in the dark. I feel safe now that I don't have to worry about her.

I longed for this girl to love me and dropped it when I thought it was never going to happen. When the love came, I cried and I still do any time I think about it. I love how I love the rest of my siblings and they in turn show it to me.

I hope you are doing okay. I hope you have it better. I hope the universe is treating you well.

To the ones that make this place bearable, it is easier because of you.

Things:

Food. Ruler. Plastic fan. Pillow. Lip gloss. Red lipstick. Sugar. Soda crackers. Meat. Straw.

Food:

I can't even eat properly at the moment and I don't bother to cook. I don't know how I am surviving. I don't cook often and I never forget to make a grand meal when I can. It does not decrease my hate for the chore, it just makes me feel better about taking care of myself.

God:

I have never breathed better since coming to the understanding that I have God. I pray for the smallest things these days and they work out. They said I am still a baby in the walk with God that's why everything works out for me but he didn't say that to me. All I can hear since last year July that I didn't open until May this year is:

Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress, i.e, there would no longer be gloom for me Aishat, for I have overcome whatever is causing distress.

Amen?

With love,

Lanre.