Life is 33-32

I already do too much, why should I stop now?

*Stares in where do I start from?*

I am living life, garnering experiences and the best part of humans at the moment.

If I could count to a few months back, I was drained and unmotivated about living on. I wanted the days, the weeks, the months and the years to go by so I could skip to the good part.

In all of these, there were days when I cried so much in the most awful bathroom, days when people hurt me beyond words, days when I became doubting Thomas and judged everyone for my problems, days when I hated planet earth and days when read my pain away. There were days I picked myself up, went all out, loved myself and everything I believed in, sat with friends to pass time before sliding back into my shell.

I became a snail, I was slow to get to things and just produced slime so I wouldn't go unnoticeable.

It reminded me of the first time aunty Grace, the first adult I loved outside of my home, boiled snails for easy removal from their shell. I based my situation on this analogy. The hotness of the water— my situation— was for me to come out of my shell easily.

Life is one. Live it.

I love having a quote for life. I want to think of life and describe it with what I am feeling. I say life is hard all the time but what is a more beautiful way to say life must go on regardless of the hardship Life is 33-32, what is a better way to say it? I have not said what the numbers mean to me. When I finally get to it, we will get to it.

People who are yet to experience you are fast to tell you what to not be if you give them access. They fail to acknowledge who you are or what you are doing at the moment. They want to remind you of how you are just like everyone else and you bite more than you can chew or I like to say you are reaching for what you can't see.

You are normal. You are Nigerian. You are from a tribe and you should act like you are from there. You find yourself in a city, you become them. You are a girl. You have to live, exist and conform to every rule. You are a follower of rules. You are the led. Your complaint is irrelevant; you can't have an opinion.

I pity and envy the people that get tired of other people, their excesses and their inability to express it, hence, they become a pretender.

Sometimes, I remember how different I am from everyone. Sometimes, I remember how I am just like everyone. Sometimes, it is like I get into character to play certain roles. Sometimes, I feel like a fraud. Sometimes, I lose myself. Sometimes, I get connected to myself in an inexplicable way. Sometimes, people yarn makes me hate the world.

In a more tolerable world, Aishat was just a girl.

I will do my life. I will live large. I will do everything I find interesting. I will be different. I choose how I want my life to play out.

People don't say how beautiful I am when we meet. It is mostly admiration for my eyes, head or voice. It is usually an overall take in to explain how different and unique I am.

"I am not different from everyone else, it is just-"

"What do you mean you are not different, have you seen you?"

I am just another girl who turned out to not just be anything but too much.

I would probably say how I am getting by with the days, the weeks, the months, and maybe how the years will be, next time.

With love,

Lanre.